plateau-related schizophrenia

[jaeclectic]

I'm at one of those extremely sticky weights*, where my body is obviously very comfortable and not going to shift unless I do something drastic. (Shift down, that is, shifting up is never all that hard.)

Meanwhile, just this week, I have started feeling extremely fat. I mean, I'm just walking around with this heightened awareness of the flab around my belly, as if I've ballooned. Yet rationally, I know that I am wearing the smaller-size clothes that I just bought recently, which felt so good when I bought them, since I was swimming in my old standbys. I mean, I'm actually wearing jeans, which I just can't do when I'm really heavy. And nothing has changed on the scale. So it can't be an actual change in my body, it's got to all be in my head.

At the same time, this past week I had a total failure of will-power regarding food. It was partly the work situation: we were observing beta customers who were in for training, so I was surrounded by free food, most of it sugary. Plus I started the week by overindulging at Z&D's party, so I had that stupid, irrational (yet hard to avoid) reaction of feeling like I'd already blown it, so what the heck. I actually stopped recording what I was eating, which is very, very bad.

Of course, we all know the rote answer: exercise more and eat less. I am pretty much maxed out for the amount of time I can spend exercising, which means I've got to do something on the food side of the equation. And therein lies the rub: I've been going on the theory that it is better to go very slow, and not feel deprived, because then I will be able to keep this up for life, which I clearly need to do. So, I haven't been forcing myself to be extremely careful in social situations, I've just been trying to balance that with being careful the rest of the time. But it seems like that approach will not get me past this point. And, it's getting harder to keep up even that, when I don't have the positive feedback of seeing any results better than stasis.

In short: I have been doing exactly the wrong thing, while feeling exceptionally dissatisfied with my current state -- and I know that I need to somehow do better, yet I am not seeing how to get myself on that track.

[*Note: when I talk about a weight, I always really mean a range of weights, any variation within a 3 pound range (i.e. some weight +/- 1 pound or so), I don't count as change, that's just noise.]

Comments

[gen9.livejournal.com]

If you are wearing smaller size clothes but the scale is the same, that means you have most likely reduced body fat and gained more muscle which is a very good thing, good for you!

And I hear you on the will power thing regarding food. When I slip, I do the oh well let's eat some ice-cream and peanut m&m's since I already blew it. Bad, bad, bad. I've just started seeing a personal trainer so hopefully he'll be able to help me retrain my eating habits because I'm really just not that good at not eating yummy stuff when it's in front of me. Even if I'm not really hungry, I'll eat it.

Just try not to beat yourself up (something I'm not always so good at doing myself) and hang in there.

[jafitz.livejournal.com]

Well, it's more that over the long haul (since last spring) I've done well, but the past several months have been torturously slow.

Yes, definitely, beating oneself up just leads to a downward spiral. But it does feel good to vent occasionally...

[eac.livejournal.com]

First of all, if you were swimming in your old clothes, something is working. It may be that your waistline is puffy this week (gas? water weight?), or it may be your brain messing with you.

Two questions:

Can you step up the intensity your workout in the same amount of time you are doing it?

When we do social things that involve food, I'm happy to let you choose the site.

[jafitz.livejournal.com]

See reply to Gen above. But yes, I do believe it is my brain messing with me, on top of the whole thing just being intrinsically hard and frustrating and so on.

Your question about workout intensity is a good one. At a certain point, the answer is no because I am limited by my joints rather than my cardiovascular system. But I may currently have some room to maneuver there.

Your offer to cede me more control over the social situations is gracious, but not really the root of the problem. Almost anywhere we go, I could make a reasonable choice if I were determined to do so. It's that I haven't been making myself do that, I've been allowing myself to have social meals as a special treat, where part of the fun is not thinking critically about it and just getting what I want (although I have been conscientious afterward about honestly recording what I've eaten ). And that's been really pleasant, and I hate the thought of giving it up. *sigh*

[eac.livejournal.com]

But I may currently have some room to maneuver there.

Might need a change of exercise (swimming?)

As for eating what you want on social occasions...I still think you should be allowed at least one freebie meal a week....

[jafitz.livejournal.com]

Swimming would be great, but it is a huge time sink. Even if I could find a pool conveniently located near home or work, there would still be the mass of wet chlorinated hair to deal with every time...