not that it's so exciting

[jaeclectic]

What I did today:

- Put in my 30 minutes on the exercise bike, but with some attention to pushing myself a little in terms of intensity.
- Made the doctor's appointment (that I couldn't make last week, because Kaiser had messed up my records, ho hum).
- Arranged the transfer of (pitifully meager) funds from my obsolete PSFT and ORCL 401K plans, including a round of phone tag with ORCL HR because they apparently hadn't put my termination into the 401K part of the system, despite having sent me the notice reminding me to deal with it.
- Made dinner plans with some former PSFT colleagues.
- Tidied up (and sent to my boss) wireframes for two more items on my list, and made a good (I think) first cut at a third.
- Ate something for dinner that involved (slightly) more preparation than opening the package and finding a spoon.
- Went to therapy with a completely blank mind and ended up weeping for most of the hour anyway. Damn, I haven't run out of sore spots yet.

In short, despite feeling like I was not exerting a lot of effort during most of the work day, I seem to have been fairly productive. Go me.

Comments

[bulieb.livejournal.com]

Here's what I think: There is an infinitely deep well of sore spots. It doesn't matter how much therapy you get, or how much weeping you accomplish, you're not going to use them up. Like the pepsi machine at Taco Bell. Infinite refills. So I wouldn't measure the success of your therapy project by whether or not you've drained all the weepy spots. But I don't think any of that is bad -- hmmm.

There's no point to that -- just that I wouldn't be discouraged, if I were you. Not that you seem to be.

[jafitz.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, I know you're right on one level: I don't really believe in "getting over" things, so that you just don't feel anything anymore, ever, as if it (whatever it may be) never happened.

OTOH, a large part of why I am doing therapy is to deal with how many of my sore spots seem to be so close to the surface, so I can't walk around in the world without bumping into them all the time. Which is not to say I necessarily have to stop crying during my therapy sessions, in fact I think having my scheduled hour of snivelling has tended to reduce the incidents of spontaneous leakage.

Really, what was noteworthy about this particular session was that it took about 10 minutes before the weeping started. So to the extent that you can lance the wound or toughen up the scar tissue or whatever vile medical metaphor comes to mind, I almost wondered if I was seeing progress, in that I seemed to have run out of urgent things to bring up and immediately cry about.

Then once the conversation got going, the remaining 45 or 50 minutes were waterworks per usual.

But anyway, no, I am not particularly discouraged. More just learning a bit about the process as I go along, with a mix of reactions that does include abstract intellectual interest along with the emotional stew.