what I'm thinking about how I'm feeling
Jun. 10th, 2006 05:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jaeclecticI am not feeling much regret over letting the place on Lakeshore go, but I do still feel anxious that I've let myself be rushed into something that shouldn't be rushed.
Which translates to: I wonder if I should have dealt with moving twice rather than decide to buy something less than perfect. But the idea of moving twice was pretty unpalatable. And perfection not guaranteed, no matter how long I waited.
Basically, at this point when I say "perfect", I'm not talking about anything utterly improbable. I don't mean a castle in Spain, or a penthouse with a hot tub and a view of the Golden Gate. I mean something very much like what I'm getting, except: a little bigger, 1/2 mile down the hill, and with a gas stove and in-unit laundry. That's it, the whole wish list, complete. But it's actually a lot to ask in the price range I can afford.
Now, if I had 4 more months to look, would I find it? It's unlikely, but possible. I'd probably get one or two of those wishes. If I had 4 more months and 75K more to spend than I have, would I find it? Quite likely. But I don't have either.
Instead I am buying a place that is really quite nice, and costs a good deal *less* than what I was prepared for, which is certainly a fine thing in oh so many ways. I'm still going to want those things, but in a couple of years, if financial good times continue, maybe I'll trade up. Even if I had found a place that met my current definition of perfect, so many things could happen in a year or two or three, to change the equation of where I want to live.
It all makes sense.
But I still feel exhausted and intermittently weepy, when I wish I could feel elated.
Which translates to: I wonder if I should have dealt with moving twice rather than decide to buy something less than perfect. But the idea of moving twice was pretty unpalatable. And perfection not guaranteed, no matter how long I waited.
Basically, at this point when I say "perfect", I'm not talking about anything utterly improbable. I don't mean a castle in Spain, or a penthouse with a hot tub and a view of the Golden Gate. I mean something very much like what I'm getting, except: a little bigger, 1/2 mile down the hill, and with a gas stove and in-unit laundry. That's it, the whole wish list, complete. But it's actually a lot to ask in the price range I can afford.
Now, if I had 4 more months to look, would I find it? It's unlikely, but possible. I'd probably get one or two of those wishes. If I had 4 more months and 75K more to spend than I have, would I find it? Quite likely. But I don't have either.
Instead I am buying a place that is really quite nice, and costs a good deal *less* than what I was prepared for, which is certainly a fine thing in oh so many ways. I'm still going to want those things, but in a couple of years, if financial good times continue, maybe I'll trade up. Even if I had found a place that met my current definition of perfect, so many things could happen in a year or two or three, to change the equation of where I want to live.
It all makes sense.
But I still feel exhausted and intermittently weepy, when I wish I could feel elated.