the job-hunt mood swing mix

[jaeclectic]

Alarmingly, I am starting to settle into the rhythm of unemployment.

I don't set my alarm clock, I lounge around in my jammies for half the day, if I scratch one item off my to-do list that seems like enough.

Of course, at the moment I have my upcoming trip to Hawaii to look forward to, rather than having to really consider the prospect of an uninterrupted span of months at this pace. Once I get back, I'll probably be a little less sanguine...

I just loathe job-hunting, the whole process of trying to sell myself, and the pressure of deciding what's good enough. Like this AM I got a voice message and an email from a recruiter, for a 4-month contract in Sunnyvale, pretty obviously Yahoo. And you know, I am really just not that interested. The job description sounds fine, and a 4-month contract at a company that's consistently hiring would have some obvious advantages, but the idea of commuting to Sunnyvale just makes me queasy. And if I want to work for Yahoo, I could apply without going through this recruiter. But then I think, what if I don't find work? what if I'm unemployed for months? what if I look like a total loser because I have a gap of several months on my resume? and so on, and so forth...

Not to mention, now I have this great place to live, but what if I can't find work at a rate of pay that I can make ends meet... I had a conversation with Vanessa the other day, who was saying how she had to lower her expectations in terms of money and status, but she really likes her job. And I think, OK, at some point I may have to do that. If I hadn't gotten the job at Sun, I would have done it by now. But I don't want to. It just gives me a stomach-ache when I start thinking, maybe I shouldn't have moved here, maybe I should have found someplace cheaper.

*sigh*

So this post started out being about how I am actually feeling pretty relaxed, and kind of enjoying the slow pace for now, but with an undercurrent of anxiety. And then I started talking about the anxiety which brought it all to the surface. So I think I'll try to stop thinking for a while now...