monday morning
Aug. 24th, 2009 08:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jaeclecticIt is a waste of time putting on makeup when you can't stop crying.
Nothing decisive has happened with Lena. She finally ate a bit yesterday, and did show interest in breakfast this AM (albeit only for a couple of bites). But she just doesn't seem well, and I'm worried that she's uncomfortable and unhappy.
My brain keeps playing through scenarios, which go something like:
- If I have to have her euthanized, I want to do so between a Sunday-Tuesday when Dr L is working, rather than Wednesday-Saturday when Dr A is working. Because Dr A is too attached to her, and Dr L will be more objective.
- At some point, if she is clearly failing, I'd like to stop tormenting her with medications that make her gag. (Not there yet, however, because if she might live, she really needs them).
- If she's still alive by Labor Day weekend, I will almost certainly cancel my trip, because the chances are high she would die while I was gone (extra stress, etc) and I just couldn't handle that.
The thing is, I just don't know for sure. I am close to knowing for sure, but she has pulled back from the brink before. And it is possible -- not likely, but possible -- that she could turn around and start thriving again.
Or, it could be over soon.
In so many ways, it would have been easier if she had just gone last week. But, easy isn't the hand I've been dealt.
Meanwhile, I have to go to the office, and try to get my brain to deal with other things.
Nothing decisive has happened with Lena. She finally ate a bit yesterday, and did show interest in breakfast this AM (albeit only for a couple of bites). But she just doesn't seem well, and I'm worried that she's uncomfortable and unhappy.
My brain keeps playing through scenarios, which go something like:
- If I have to have her euthanized, I want to do so between a Sunday-Tuesday when Dr L is working, rather than Wednesday-Saturday when Dr A is working. Because Dr A is too attached to her, and Dr L will be more objective.
- At some point, if she is clearly failing, I'd like to stop tormenting her with medications that make her gag. (Not there yet, however, because if she might live, she really needs them).
- If she's still alive by Labor Day weekend, I will almost certainly cancel my trip, because the chances are high she would die while I was gone (extra stress, etc) and I just couldn't handle that.
The thing is, I just don't know for sure. I am close to knowing for sure, but she has pulled back from the brink before. And it is possible -- not likely, but possible -- that she could turn around and start thriving again.
Or, it could be over soon.
In so many ways, it would have been easier if she had just gone last week. But, easy isn't the hand I've been dealt.
Meanwhile, I have to go to the office, and try to get my brain to deal with other things.
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no subject
Date: 2009-08-24 06:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-24 11:47 pm (UTC)i wish i knew what to say.
hoping a recovery is close at hand!